I don't feel so very changed. I found it all too comforting to be the meanie with the quick wit. And then I feel guilty afterward.
It was alot easier to "walk with God" back in high school. That sounds horrible to say, but looking back, I had it SO easy. Almost all of the major "problems" that rocked my world were of my own doing. I spent 3 or 4 months of my senior year in emotional turmoil because I'd made out with my best friend (a guy), who also happened to be good friends with my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. Then, I told said boyfriend, started dating best friend. Stopped, started, wanted boyfriend back, cry, whine, moan, rinse and repeat. All of my doing. Emotional anguish because I made a bad choice, and followed it up with several more.
I'd like to think that I've evolved since then. I guess you could say that I am not a cheater anymore. I love the hubby on most days, and I've always told myself if things ever went so far south that I wanted someone else, I would no longer be married first. Not that I consider that an option, but hopefully, you know what I mean.
Back to evolving- I still make bad choices. We all do, I know, but I feel like I am spinning around in a little hamster wheel, never really getting anywhere. Most days, I don't feel like an adult. A referee, MOST definitely. An adult, no.
And not only do I feel no more evolved than I did in high school, I have more responsibilities and issues to deal with. Again, my own doing. Married an individual that already had a child- check! Decided to have 4 additional children- check! Start my own business- check!
Hmm, I think I'm walking the line on whining here, and that's not what I want. (Let's see if I cannot whine about whining! LOL) I want to have an open, honest, and frank conversation with myself about why I am the way I am. I want to realize the things about my love that love, and embrace them, as well as the things that I hate, so that I can focus of changing them. I don't see how whining gets me anywhere towards either one of those goals.
So, keeping that in mind. As an adult, I feel it's more a challenge to walk with God because somedays I feel sucker punched everytime I turn around. I guess you could say that I've laid alot of electrical in the past 14 or so years that I faltered. It's going to take me awhile to rewire myself.
So, if anyone IS out there and reading, feel free to answer this otherwise rhetorical question (that seemingly pops up unrelated)-
If, in my attempt to become closer to God and be an overall nicer person, I have friends that challenge this, should I:
Take on the challenges that are presented
Let the friendship fade away because it's counter productive to my own sanity and journey
Some other option I haven't thought about
I ask, because the so-called friends in my life at the moment are, in my opinion, toxic. Overall, they have good hearts, but they are even more lost than I am. I actually feel more like a dumping ground for their problems in many cases. That sounds horrible to say, doesn't it?
Hmm, in the effort to not sound so bitchy, I'll sit on this for a day or so and regroup.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Not Me Monday
Let me begin by saying, this is not the first Not Me Monday I've participated in. Also, I am currently not irritated by the fact my underwire has starting to poke out of my bra and is trying to kill me by stabbing my underarm to death. Nope, that's not happening.
I am also not holding a squirmy 7 month old while typing this, and my husband is not inquiring on the status of the dishes in the dishwasher. Because I would never only half empty the dishwasher and get distracted on move on to something else, right?
There are not leftovers in the refrigerator that should probably be eaten today, and if there were, I would never think of insisting that we eat out today.
I am not considering duct taping any thing that is not stabbing me in my underarm. I am not thinking of a glass of red wine. My 5 year old did not just yell, "Mom-Dad, she isn't leaving my cool trick alone!". I am not picturing myself on a deserted island right now, bra-less and sipping on a glass of red wine.
And last but not least, I did not type this one handed while breastfeeding.
I am also not holding a squirmy 7 month old while typing this, and my husband is not inquiring on the status of the dishes in the dishwasher. Because I would never only half empty the dishwasher and get distracted on move on to something else, right?
There are not leftovers in the refrigerator that should probably be eaten today, and if there were, I would never think of insisting that we eat out today.
I am not considering duct taping any thing that is not stabbing me in my underarm. I am not thinking of a glass of red wine. My 5 year old did not just yell, "Mom-Dad, she isn't leaving my cool trick alone!". I am not picturing myself on a deserted island right now, bra-less and sipping on a glass of red wine.
And last but not least, I did not type this one handed while breastfeeding.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Changes
So, I like, flaked out at the end of the last post. All of a sudden, it was as if someone flipped my off switch. I could not keep my eyes open. I really didn't want to leave a post open-ended, so I tried to muddle through and finish it, even if I sounded like I was on acid. LOL
Big change today- well, more like a decision that will lead to a big change. In the effort to appear more "legit", I ordered the study guide for the PPA certification exam. I's is on my way to becoming certified. From the sample questions I've read, it's NO joke. But, I know that learning more about my trade and the different aspects can only serve to make me a stronger photographer, so I'm stoked!
DSS, J, arrives tomorrow from somewhere out west. DSS stands for Dear Step Son, btw. The kids are excited he'll be coming out, and he'll be through the first week of August. Somehow, it doesn't seem quite real to me. It is, but it doesn't seem that way. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but he's flying out later this year. Usually, he's already been out here for 2 weeks already.
I also odered a Self-Help book. Something about how to change your thought process to get what you want out of life. At least, I think that's the one I ordered. I had one I thought looked good, then I saw another one. Hmm... Oh well, whatever I ended up with should help give me a slightly different perspective on myself. And I'm ALL about that.
You see, not only was/am I a broken individual in the way of spiritually, but it has seeped over to the physical realm. I am OVERWEIGHT. I am just a smidge below 5"4 and close to 200 lbs. Granted, I've had 4 kids in a little over 5 years, but I could be healthier. I should be thinner. I love strombolis, and iced coffees, and cherry pastries, and red wine, and cool ranch doritoes, and chocolate/PB combinations, and pizza. So, I'm chunky.
To be fair to me, I am trying harder in some areas. I've kicked soda a few times this year. I'm currently in a no soda period. So, I'm not getting calories from THAT. I've minimized the strombolis and pastries and overall, the sweets. To be honest, though, I hate exercising. I've tried all sorts of stuff, and I stay with it for awhile. I've found that if I slip ONE DAY, I lose it. One tiny little slip up and I can't get back in the groove. Meh.
Sleep is also something I should give more priority to. So, I'm going to do just that. Night!
Big change today- well, more like a decision that will lead to a big change. In the effort to appear more "legit", I ordered the study guide for the PPA certification exam. I's is on my way to becoming certified. From the sample questions I've read, it's NO joke. But, I know that learning more about my trade and the different aspects can only serve to make me a stronger photographer, so I'm stoked!
DSS, J, arrives tomorrow from somewhere out west. DSS stands for Dear Step Son, btw. The kids are excited he'll be coming out, and he'll be through the first week of August. Somehow, it doesn't seem quite real to me. It is, but it doesn't seem that way. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but he's flying out later this year. Usually, he's already been out here for 2 weeks already.
I also odered a Self-Help book. Something about how to change your thought process to get what you want out of life. At least, I think that's the one I ordered. I had one I thought looked good, then I saw another one. Hmm... Oh well, whatever I ended up with should help give me a slightly different perspective on myself. And I'm ALL about that.
You see, not only was/am I a broken individual in the way of spiritually, but it has seeped over to the physical realm. I am OVERWEIGHT. I am just a smidge below 5"4 and close to 200 lbs. Granted, I've had 4 kids in a little over 5 years, but I could be healthier. I should be thinner. I love strombolis, and iced coffees, and cherry pastries, and red wine, and cool ranch doritoes, and chocolate/PB combinations, and pizza. So, I'm chunky.
To be fair to me, I am trying harder in some areas. I've kicked soda a few times this year. I'm currently in a no soda period. So, I'm not getting calories from THAT. I've minimized the strombolis and pastries and overall, the sweets. To be honest, though, I hate exercising. I've tried all sorts of stuff, and I stay with it for awhile. I've found that if I slip ONE DAY, I lose it. One tiny little slip up and I can't get back in the groove. Meh.
Sleep is also something I should give more priority to. So, I'm going to do just that. Night!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Why?
As I continue in my never ending journey, I find myself with so many questions beginning with the word "why".
"Why do I have no willpower when it come to McDonald's Iced Coffees and Panera's Cherry Pastries?"
"Why am I never able to make myself drink the 8 glasses of water a day?"
"Why does it matter so much to me what people think of me?"
Yep, let's focus on the last one. I should start off by saying that I am NO means a people pleaser. In fact, I would like to think that I've learned not to roll over when I feel passionately about something. It's just that I dwell on the repercussions and fallout from me doing so. I replay these instances over and again in my head. Eventually, I wittle it away into nothing, but it can take a good long while.
While typing the above paragraph, I actually typed this in:
"I will stand up for something I believe in, but not in mysel"
And then I stopped. It seemed much too profound of a statement to smush into a paragraph with other things. I actually stared at the screen for a good long minute, because I realized that my subconscious had done a fantabulous job of sneaking that in.
It's true. There are MANY things that I am passionate about. Fairness, equality, honesty, photography, politics. Woa ho hooo, most definitely about politics. I abhor inconsistencies, and I do my darnedest to keep from contradicting myself in my words and actions. It really isn't all that easy, but I make a conscious effort, which is more than most.
When it come to ME? The passion is not the same. I don't know if you would call it a lack of self-esteem, confidence or worth. Maybe it's a little of all of them. But it all boils down to the fact that i don't believe in myself nearly half as my as I should. And I think by typing out that little tiny sentence up above, I not only opened A can of worms, I opened 42 cans of worms and dumped them all on the nice, white carpet.
It is said that you have to love yourself before you can even hope of having anyone else love you. Honestly, I believe that some of that stems from the fact that most people are complete witches when they feel unloved. We make the situation more difficult. If no one seems to love us, we'll be mean and then when we go to bed at night, and it makes it easier when we're staring at the ceiling, to believe that our attitude is why. "They hare me because I stand up for myself, of because I don't take any crap".
Apparently revelations make me tired, because I canNOT keep my eyes open. In the interest of not having key marks from the keyboard imprinted in my forehead. Or cheek.
Yawn...
"Why do I have no willpower when it come to McDonald's Iced Coffees and Panera's Cherry Pastries?"
"Why am I never able to make myself drink the 8 glasses of water a day?"
"Why does it matter so much to me what people think of me?"
Yep, let's focus on the last one. I should start off by saying that I am NO means a people pleaser. In fact, I would like to think that I've learned not to roll over when I feel passionately about something. It's just that I dwell on the repercussions and fallout from me doing so. I replay these instances over and again in my head. Eventually, I wittle it away into nothing, but it can take a good long while.
While typing the above paragraph, I actually typed this in:
"I will stand up for something I believe in, but not in mysel"
And then I stopped. It seemed much too profound of a statement to smush into a paragraph with other things. I actually stared at the screen for a good long minute, because I realized that my subconscious had done a fantabulous job of sneaking that in.
It's true. There are MANY things that I am passionate about. Fairness, equality, honesty, photography, politics. Woa ho hooo, most definitely about politics. I abhor inconsistencies, and I do my darnedest to keep from contradicting myself in my words and actions. It really isn't all that easy, but I make a conscious effort, which is more than most.
When it come to ME? The passion is not the same. I don't know if you would call it a lack of self-esteem, confidence or worth. Maybe it's a little of all of them. But it all boils down to the fact that i don't believe in myself nearly half as my as I should. And I think by typing out that little tiny sentence up above, I not only opened A can of worms, I opened 42 cans of worms and dumped them all on the nice, white carpet.
It is said that you have to love yourself before you can even hope of having anyone else love you. Honestly, I believe that some of that stems from the fact that most people are complete witches when they feel unloved. We make the situation more difficult. If no one seems to love us, we'll be mean and then when we go to bed at night, and it makes it easier when we're staring at the ceiling, to believe that our attitude is why. "They hare me because I stand up for myself, of because I don't take any crap".
Apparently revelations make me tired, because I canNOT keep my eyes open. In the interest of not having key marks from the keyboard imprinted in my forehead. Or cheek.
Yawn...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Hey, No One's Reading These!
That is kind of freeing, don't cha think? I do. Conceivably, I could type "I haven't taken a shower for 4 days" and no one would be the wiser. Although I have taken a shower in the last 4 days, but you get the point.
I was reading something on MckMama's blog earlier that was really profound to me. "God is omniscient. Me? I'm merely imniscient." Brilliant. It's been floating through me head ever since.
You see, the title of my blog stems from the fact that I am finally getting my head out of my rear and owning up to some mistakes and mis-steps that I've made in my past. In high school, I was in Young Life and... Wait, let me go even further back than that.
I grew up in a Catholic family. Not a CATHOLIC family, but a Catholic family none the less. For anyone that is now scratching their head, let me sum it up by saying my Grandparents were religious but the rest of us seemed to be going through the motions. I went through all the sacraments until Confirmation, was Confirmed, and then basically set free religiously. It was done for the benefit of my GP's, and since I believe the next sacrament was Marriage, my parents gave me the ok to go on an extended Catholic coffee break.
I was never really all that fond of Catholicism. I have a great Aunt that is a nun and growing up, she pushed the religion heavily on me, even mentioning how wonderful it would be if I would become a nun. In addition, I went to Catholic school most of 1st through 3rd grades. I could just never get on board. I tried, with saying Hail Mary's and Our Father's on my rosary, and genuflecting and going to confession. It never really felt like me- more like I was playing a part.
So, I was confirmed in 10th grade. However, I found Young Life in 9th grade, and steadily went all 4 years of high school. Somewhere in the 10th grade, I also started attending "Campaigners", a spin off of Young Life. You see, Young Life touts itself as a non-denominational Christian youth group. Every week, we would meet at someone's house for skits, singing, and plain old hanging out. Campaigners was more of a bible study group.
I went to 4 outings with YL- one weekend and 3 summer camps. They were, quite honestly, some of the most awesome times I've ever had in my life. Yes, the camps were more heavily focused on saving your sole, with more directed meetings to explain how Christ died for you on the cross. You were given the option at one point in each week to go out in silence and except Christ as your Lord and personal savior, if you so chose. I would say there was some mild pressure to do so, but ever so mild.
In my humble little opinion, the most moving and life altering experiences at these camps came from pushing yourself at the various activities they had, both planned and available on the camp everyday. While at camps, I water-ski'd, I rappelled, I took a ride in a two person swing that you had to step of a platform 5 stories up. They had ropes courses thirty feet in the air, dune buggy courses, etc. Day long trips to climb 2 miles up a mountain in the Adirondacks, or to climb to the top of the Continental Divide.
Honestly, it was in these activities where I most found God. Many times I would pray for strength, for courage, for stamina, for help. I don't have a phobia of heights, but flinging myself of the side of a cliff to rappel down it was never really in my book of most do's. I was scared out of my wits at the edge of that cliff, but once I pushed off, WOW, how amazing it felt.
How can you not climb to the top of the Continental Divide, and stand there on the top of one peak, with others surrounding you, and not feel God's presence? Not to mention, it was not an easy climb. The steep final incline was barren, the air was thin, and the very top was just a huge pile of smaller boulders. Many people were having trouble walking without sliding down, or breathing, even. Yet, there were maybe 250 of us there, that day, from all over the country. This was the 3rd day at camp, so we knew some people from other groups, but started off with those from our Young Life sector. But, by the time you neared the top, a few hours later, you were no longer with your group. Of course, as everyone walked a different pace.
So, I met a boy from Nebraska and his friend. They helped myself and my other two friends that I was walking with, and a girl from Texas that we had just met, scale the final large hill. At points, we were digging our heels into the ground and grabbing hold of the hand of the person in front of us, and literally crawling up parts of the last incline.
This was not an isolated thing. This was going on everywhere that day. And, we all waited until we got to the top. And then we cheered. The feeling was amazing. It was inspiring.
Honestly, I haven't thought about that day in many, many years. Perhaps a passing thought if I saw a picture from the top of the peak, but never the specifics involved with how I got there. How I started off the day on a relatively flat path, and then after a few small hills and a long time of walking, we turned to the left and walked a bit, then turned to the left again, and started that long, seemingly endless, ascent.
I haven't give thought in so long that I literally crawled up that mountain at times, that many times I thought for sure I was going to roll down that last steep incline. I can say with certainty that I was praying to God in my head. "Lord, please help me find the strength to keep going", "Lord, please don't let me fall", "Lord, I don't know if I can do this", etc.
A most awesome day, that proved to me that I can do absolutely anything I want to do, with prayer, faith, and a little help from both my friends and from strangers. I think I was really too young at 15 to fully encompass the life lesson, but it is crystal clear today. That mountain is my life. Take it as you well, that my life is one mountain with the peak being heaven, or as a mountain range, each mountain offering a separate journey and struggle to get to the top and recognize the beauty and peace that awaits me.
I have been living so many years trying to scale that mountain, essentially prayer-less, without help from anyone. Ok, I take that back, but I definitely haven't been surrounding myself with people that are also trying to get to the top. I've more or less been asking for help from people walking by on a horizontal (not vertical) path. They might lift me up a step or three, but that's it.
Anywho, this got very long, but suffice it to say that I am going vertical again. I plan on looking back and reviewing my life and how I got off path, while simultaneously looking forward and upward.
I was reading something on MckMama's blog earlier that was really profound to me. "God is omniscient. Me? I'm merely imniscient." Brilliant. It's been floating through me head ever since.
You see, the title of my blog stems from the fact that I am finally getting my head out of my rear and owning up to some mistakes and mis-steps that I've made in my past. In high school, I was in Young Life and... Wait, let me go even further back than that.
I grew up in a Catholic family. Not a CATHOLIC family, but a Catholic family none the less. For anyone that is now scratching their head, let me sum it up by saying my Grandparents were religious but the rest of us seemed to be going through the motions. I went through all the sacraments until Confirmation, was Confirmed, and then basically set free religiously. It was done for the benefit of my GP's, and since I believe the next sacrament was Marriage, my parents gave me the ok to go on an extended Catholic coffee break.
I was never really all that fond of Catholicism. I have a great Aunt that is a nun and growing up, she pushed the religion heavily on me, even mentioning how wonderful it would be if I would become a nun. In addition, I went to Catholic school most of 1st through 3rd grades. I could just never get on board. I tried, with saying Hail Mary's and Our Father's on my rosary, and genuflecting and going to confession. It never really felt like me- more like I was playing a part.
So, I was confirmed in 10th grade. However, I found Young Life in 9th grade, and steadily went all 4 years of high school. Somewhere in the 10th grade, I also started attending "Campaigners", a spin off of Young Life. You see, Young Life touts itself as a non-denominational Christian youth group. Every week, we would meet at someone's house for skits, singing, and plain old hanging out. Campaigners was more of a bible study group.
I went to 4 outings with YL- one weekend and 3 summer camps. They were, quite honestly, some of the most awesome times I've ever had in my life. Yes, the camps were more heavily focused on saving your sole, with more directed meetings to explain how Christ died for you on the cross. You were given the option at one point in each week to go out in silence and except Christ as your Lord and personal savior, if you so chose. I would say there was some mild pressure to do so, but ever so mild.
In my humble little opinion, the most moving and life altering experiences at these camps came from pushing yourself at the various activities they had, both planned and available on the camp everyday. While at camps, I water-ski'd, I rappelled, I took a ride in a two person swing that you had to step of a platform 5 stories up. They had ropes courses thirty feet in the air, dune buggy courses, etc. Day long trips to climb 2 miles up a mountain in the Adirondacks, or to climb to the top of the Continental Divide.
Honestly, it was in these activities where I most found God. Many times I would pray for strength, for courage, for stamina, for help. I don't have a phobia of heights, but flinging myself of the side of a cliff to rappel down it was never really in my book of most do's. I was scared out of my wits at the edge of that cliff, but once I pushed off, WOW, how amazing it felt.
How can you not climb to the top of the Continental Divide, and stand there on the top of one peak, with others surrounding you, and not feel God's presence? Not to mention, it was not an easy climb. The steep final incline was barren, the air was thin, and the very top was just a huge pile of smaller boulders. Many people were having trouble walking without sliding down, or breathing, even. Yet, there were maybe 250 of us there, that day, from all over the country. This was the 3rd day at camp, so we knew some people from other groups, but started off with those from our Young Life sector. But, by the time you neared the top, a few hours later, you were no longer with your group. Of course, as everyone walked a different pace.
So, I met a boy from Nebraska and his friend. They helped myself and my other two friends that I was walking with, and a girl from Texas that we had just met, scale the final large hill. At points, we were digging our heels into the ground and grabbing hold of the hand of the person in front of us, and literally crawling up parts of the last incline.
This was not an isolated thing. This was going on everywhere that day. And, we all waited until we got to the top. And then we cheered. The feeling was amazing. It was inspiring.
Honestly, I haven't thought about that day in many, many years. Perhaps a passing thought if I saw a picture from the top of the peak, but never the specifics involved with how I got there. How I started off the day on a relatively flat path, and then after a few small hills and a long time of walking, we turned to the left and walked a bit, then turned to the left again, and started that long, seemingly endless, ascent.
I haven't give thought in so long that I literally crawled up that mountain at times, that many times I thought for sure I was going to roll down that last steep incline. I can say with certainty that I was praying to God in my head. "Lord, please help me find the strength to keep going", "Lord, please don't let me fall", "Lord, I don't know if I can do this", etc.
A most awesome day, that proved to me that I can do absolutely anything I want to do, with prayer, faith, and a little help from both my friends and from strangers. I think I was really too young at 15 to fully encompass the life lesson, but it is crystal clear today. That mountain is my life. Take it as you well, that my life is one mountain with the peak being heaven, or as a mountain range, each mountain offering a separate journey and struggle to get to the top and recognize the beauty and peace that awaits me.
I have been living so many years trying to scale that mountain, essentially prayer-less, without help from anyone. Ok, I take that back, but I definitely haven't been surrounding myself with people that are also trying to get to the top. I've more or less been asking for help from people walking by on a horizontal (not vertical) path. They might lift me up a step or three, but that's it.
Anywho, this got very long, but suffice it to say that I am going vertical again. I plan on looking back and reviewing my life and how I got off path, while simultaneously looking forward and upward.
Friday, June 19, 2009
The First Post Is Already A Lie
Yep, that's right. It's a lie. For I am not a girl. I am a woman of 30-ish (ishness). I have 4 children and 1 step-child, so I'm either a VERY naughty girl, or I'm not a girl at all.
To lay some groundwork here for you, the all knowing, all reading interneted-ness people. I type what I think in my head. Sometimes, the little typer gnomes in my fingers like to go out for a drink or two. This results in typos, with a side of over-punctuation. It is not an everyday occurrence, and goodness knows that I do try and proofread everything. I can guarantee that even with proofreading, I'm going to miss a few things.
Now. 42.7% of you have determined that this blog no longer worth your time. You know who you are. I can state this with great certainty because I have made the rounds on the message boards long enough to realize that many women gain quite a sense of superiority from trashing some one's grammar, or lack there of. I have not remained innocent in this, and I will admit to cringing when I see someone type a post out in "text speak". I rarely, however, shun the person completely because of it. I truly find myself to be amusing, and each officer of the grammar police will need to determine on their own if I am amusing enough to power through the occasional typo or not.
That little disclaimer aside, let's power forward!
As I mentioned, I am somewhere in my 30's, all well on my way to Jon and Kate status. KID status. I'd prefer to stay married to lug of an adorable husband. Well, at least for this hour. We have 4 children together, and he has one from a previous marriage. We have no plans for more. We are not independently wealthy, and I don't have the "some one's missing" feeling that I had after the first 3 kids.
I am a photographer. No, really. I'm not just saying that. It's not a full time thing, but I don't think my nerves are up to shooting a wedding every weekend, so it works out well. Depending on how this thing goes, I'll post pictures at some point.
I suppose now would be a good time to explain the meaning behind my blog name, but I believe I'll save that for the next post.
And there you go...
JOCG
To lay some groundwork here for you, the all knowing, all reading interneted-ness people. I type what I think in my head. Sometimes, the little typer gnomes in my fingers like to go out for a drink or two. This results in typos, with a side of over-punctuation. It is not an everyday occurrence, and goodness knows that I do try and proofread everything. I can guarantee that even with proofreading, I'm going to miss a few things.
Now. 42.7% of you have determined that this blog no longer worth your time. You know who you are. I can state this with great certainty because I have made the rounds on the message boards long enough to realize that many women gain quite a sense of superiority from trashing some one's grammar, or lack there of. I have not remained innocent in this, and I will admit to cringing when I see someone type a post out in "text speak". I rarely, however, shun the person completely because of it. I truly find myself to be amusing, and each officer of the grammar police will need to determine on their own if I am amusing enough to power through the occasional typo or not.
That little disclaimer aside, let's power forward!
As I mentioned, I am somewhere in my 30's, all well on my way to Jon and Kate status. KID status. I'd prefer to stay married to lug of an adorable husband. Well, at least for this hour. We have 4 children together, and he has one from a previous marriage. We have no plans for more. We are not independently wealthy, and I don't have the "some one's missing" feeling that I had after the first 3 kids.
I am a photographer. No, really. I'm not just saying that. It's not a full time thing, but I don't think my nerves are up to shooting a wedding every weekend, so it works out well. Depending on how this thing goes, I'll post pictures at some point.
I suppose now would be a good time to explain the meaning behind my blog name, but I believe I'll save that for the next post.
And there you go...
JOCG
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