Hey, No One's Reading These!

That is kind of freeing, don't cha think? I do. Conceivably, I could type "I haven't taken a shower for 4 days" and no one would be the wiser. Although I have taken a shower in the last 4 days, but you get the point.

I was reading something on MckMama's blog earlier that was really profound to me. "God is omniscient. Me? I'm merely imniscient." Brilliant. It's been floating through me head ever since.

You see, the title of my blog stems from the fact that I am finally getting my head out of my rear and owning up to some mistakes and mis-steps that I've made in my past. In high school, I was in Young Life and... Wait, let me go even further back than that.

I grew up in a Catholic family. Not a CATHOLIC family, but a Catholic family none the less. For anyone that is now scratching their head, let me sum it up by saying my Grandparents were religious but the rest of us seemed to be going through the motions. I went through all the sacraments until Confirmation, was Confirmed, and then basically set free religiously. It was done for the benefit of my GP's, and since I believe the next sacrament was Marriage, my parents gave me the ok to go on an extended Catholic coffee break.

I was never really all that fond of Catholicism. I have a great Aunt that is a nun and growing up, she pushed the religion heavily on me, even mentioning how wonderful it would be if I would become a nun. In addition, I went to Catholic school most of 1st through 3rd grades. I could just never get on board. I tried, with saying Hail Mary's and Our Father's on my rosary, and genuflecting and going to confession. It never really felt like me- more like I was playing a part.

So, I was confirmed in 10th grade. However, I found Young Life in 9th grade, and steadily went all 4 years of high school. Somewhere in the 10th grade, I also started attending "Campaigners", a spin off of Young Life. You see, Young Life touts itself as a non-denominational Christian youth group. Every week, we would meet at someone's house for skits, singing, and plain old hanging out. Campaigners was more of a bible study group.

I went to 4 outings with YL- one weekend and 3 summer camps. They were, quite honestly, some of the most awesome times I've ever had in my life. Yes, the camps were more heavily focused on saving your sole, with more directed meetings to explain how Christ died for you on the cross. You were given the option at one point in each week to go out in silence and except Christ as your Lord and personal savior, if you so chose. I would say there was some mild pressure to do so, but ever so mild.

In my humble little opinion, the most moving and life altering experiences at these camps came from pushing yourself at the various activities they had, both planned and available on the camp everyday. While at camps, I water-ski'd, I rappelled, I took a ride in a two person swing that you had to step of a platform 5 stories up. They had ropes courses thirty feet in the air, dune buggy courses, etc. Day long trips to climb 2 miles up a mountain in the Adirondacks, or to climb to the top of the Continental Divide.

Honestly, it was in these activities where I most found God. Many times I would pray for strength, for courage, for stamina, for help. I don't have a phobia of heights, but flinging myself of the side of a cliff to rappel down it was never really in my book of most do's. I was scared out of my wits at the edge of that cliff, but once I pushed off, WOW, how amazing it felt.

How can you not climb to the top of the Continental Divide, and stand there on the top of one peak, with others surrounding you, and not feel God's presence? Not to mention, it was not an easy climb. The steep final incline was barren, the air was thin, and the very top was just a huge pile of smaller boulders. Many people were having trouble walking without sliding down, or breathing, even. Yet, there were maybe 250 of us there, that day, from all over the country. This was the 3rd day at camp, so we knew some people from other groups, but started off with those from our Young Life sector. But, by the time you neared the top, a few hours later, you were no longer with your group. Of course, as everyone walked a different pace.

So, I met a boy from Nebraska and his friend. They helped myself and my other two friends that I was walking with, and a girl from Texas that we had just met, scale the final large hill. At points, we were digging our heels into the ground and grabbing hold of the hand of the person in front of us, and literally crawling up parts of the last incline.

This was not an isolated thing. This was going on everywhere that day. And, we all waited until we got to the top. And then we cheered. The feeling was amazing. It was inspiring.

Honestly, I haven't thought about that day in many, many years. Perhaps a passing thought if I saw a picture from the top of the peak, but never the specifics involved with how I got there. How I started off the day on a relatively flat path, and then after a few small hills and a long time of walking, we turned to the left and walked a bit, then turned to the left again, and started that long, seemingly endless, ascent.

I haven't give thought in so long that I literally crawled up that mountain at times, that many times I thought for sure I was going to roll down that last steep incline. I can say with certainty that I was praying to God in my head. "Lord, please help me find the strength to keep going", "Lord, please don't let me fall", "Lord, I don't know if I can do this", etc.

A most awesome day, that proved to me that I can do absolutely anything I want to do, with prayer, faith, and a little help from both my friends and from strangers. I think I was really too young at 15 to fully encompass the life lesson, but it is crystal clear today. That mountain is my life. Take it as you well, that my life is one mountain with the peak being heaven, or as a mountain range, each mountain offering a separate journey and struggle to get to the top and recognize the beauty and peace that awaits me.

I have been living so many years trying to scale that mountain, essentially prayer-less, without help from anyone. Ok, I take that back, but I definitely haven't been surrounding myself with people that are also trying to get to the top. I've more or less been asking for help from people walking by on a horizontal (not vertical) path. They might lift me up a step or three, but that's it.

Anywho, this got very long, but suffice it to say that I am going vertical again. I plan on looking back and reviewing my life and how I got off path, while simultaneously looking forward and upward.